Sarah Walker’s THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT I WAS DYING  is non-fiction in the most serious sense.  Within the realm of non-fiction itself there exists a spectrum of easy to difficult reads, from light-hearted memoir to dramatised history to textbooks.  Walker’s book exists beyond ‘textbook’ on the spectrum of difficult-to-read nonfiction, as it takes the place of contemporary art in book form.

This book is divided into 9 chapters including the introduction, with each chapter an essay on the body and its intersections with society – for example, there is a chapter on photo-editing and another on self-harm.  These topics are explored not through hard facts and information, but an abstract exploration of what it means to the human body to experience these things.  These explorations are very specific to Walker herself, and so whether or not a reader would relate to these essays is also very personal.   

It is important to stress the artistic nature of this book.  Walker is a contemporary artist and photographer.  In fact, the highlight of this book are the photographs which start each chapter – I found these on her website and the low resolution paperback prints do not do them justice – I strongly urge anyone who reads this book to look at them on her website.  Though this is technically a book, it is no different from the abstract studies on anxiety and control that Walker’s other art pieces explore.  The only difference is instead of her usual mediums of  film, sound, and performance, this one uses words in bound form. 

Like any contemporary art piece, this book invites critique.  Without critique, it risks not being taken seriously, or being seen as pretentious and self-serving. The need, however, to turn each word over in one’s head while reading, to consider and deliberate over what Walker is saying about the body to make sense of this book, makes for an exhausting read.  This is not a bad book by any means, but it’s also not an accessible book.