Melissa Doyle was feeling very sorry for herself.
Her beloved son Nicholas was leaving the nest to further his studies in America. Furthermore, she had lost her long term contract with Channel 7 inferring that at fifty she was deemed too old. In addition, the Covid wave was gathering force .
At a recent Dymocks Literary Lunch Melissa discussed horrific stories with interviewer Philip Clark which put, her travails firmly in perspective. These were people who were survivors of profound tragedies.
The first of these was Tonya. She was the mother of Brittney, a drug addict who killed her grandfather searching for money to buy more drugs. Tonya lost her identity. She could not get over the contradiction of being both the mother of a murderer and the daughter her murdered father. Despite Brittney seeking to reconnect Tonya has not been ready. She sought self repair. She did deep breathing, yoga and seeking the pleasure of the sun shining on her face These little things as well as being gentle with herself enabled herself to step out of her emotional skin. As well as discovering some of the aspects of self repair, she also seeks out people with whom to share her grief as a comfort to both parties.
Grace was a child kidnapped to become a member of the maniacal Lord’s Resistance Party in Uganda. She was raped, beaten, tortured and forced to engage in guerrilla warfare. Somehow she accepted each trial in order to survive.
Finally she escaped with a number of other child brides to the safety of southern Sudan where she was rescued by World Vision.
She rose to become an Ambassador for World Vision who came to Australia to tell other victims of her story as well as listening to shared grief. She has settled in Australia but may be called upon by World Vision to alleviate sufferings in overseas hotspots.
Juli was actually a personal friend of Melissa who had been married to professional golfer Geoff Ogilvie. Melissa had no idea that Julie was heavily addicted to alcohol. Juli had been raped at her Texas high school and had deep feelings of inadequacy. Furthermore, Geoff was absent for long periods whilst on tour.
Her alcoholism was one of the causes of their marriage breaking down. Determined to cease being an addict Juli went into therapy which uncovered the layers to finally address Juli’s horrendous teenage experiences. Telling the story to the therapist in full detail lifted some of the weight haunting Juli. Thereafter Juli started to feel she was cool and beautiful. With the support of her Texan family and challenges of co-parenting with Geoff she sometimes finds herself bopping around her Melbourne flat.
Aurelio was a hugely successful dressmaker whose garments were worn by Crown Princess Mary, Rihanna, Charlize Theron and indeed Melissa herself. Despite the success and mixing with the beautiful people, Aurelio was harbouring severe depression. The stresses of meeting deadlines for overseas and local fashion shows caused him to mask his stress under a mask of confidence. Eventually, he did break down, suffering, amongst other things, panic attacks. his psychiatrist had him on a regime of sleep medications including a dependence on benzodiazepines. After three years of treatment including fifty one weeks as an inpatient, and he was not getting any better.
He realised he had to go in to ‘benzo’ withdrawal regime which may include disturbed sleep, headaches, panic attack, hallucinations, psychosis and suicidal thoughts. Nevertheless, he was advised to slowly taper off his medications. Covid was not helping and at the time of writing her book Aurelio is tapering off Valium. However, he found an online group of people struggling with prescribed harm. Nonetheless, his creative drive could not be suppressed and he commenced to paint abstracts. They are, in fact, in high demand and ten percent of the proceeds go to Lifeline. Like others in these stories she finds joys in little things and has mastered the discipline of living in the moment.
When Rachel set eyes on Curt, as was the case with him, at age 19, it was love at first. After completing University studies Curt joined the New Zealand Police Force and Rachel undertook medical research studies. Curt then went on to join the Army and his unit was deployed to Afghanistan. Curt stepped on a mine and his legs were blown off. As he was being carried away by colleagues he joked that he would now have to go into the Paralympics.
Rachel decided to stay with Curt and they plunged headlong into his rehabilitation. There was the minutiae of manoeuvring Curt and his wheelchair in and out of cars. In the meantime Rachel had to go on rotations for her course, Study Texts, whilst helping Curt. She started to dream of amputees and replaying in her mind the frantic phone calls which accompanied the news of Curt’s injuries. Rachel approached the University Dean who diagnosed her as having post traumatic syndrome as a result of the immense sense of sorrow and upheaval she had undergone. Rachel had been wounded by what had happened to Curt. Today, clinicians deal with this form of trauma which include daily family care rituals, real time communication that both nurses and family members can update.
Rachel then soon recognised the importance of self care such as sleep, eating well, putting on regular clothes and occasionally treating herself to a spa. Rachel realised that you must not lose your self identity. She also sought out people who suffered trauma to be her mentors, and in 2020 Curt won two gold medals at the Paralympics in Tokyo. And today Dr Rachel Martin happily works in the Intensive Care Unit at Royal Brisbane Hospital. As a result of Melissa’s husband John Dunlop raising money for amputees such as Curt, they have become close friends.
Chloe was on a dream trip to Italy, the birthplace of her boyfriend, Antonello, who was back in Australia.Whilst trekking in the Dolomites she decided to go for a day of skiing. She had taken selfies before her run. As she was skiing her downward slope was shrouded in fog, and the last thing she could remember was being thrown forward.
Surgeons operated on her broken neck and she would have to live hence forth with quadriplegia. Food and medication were administered via a tube and she was dosed with pain killers and anti depressants. Chloe had a defiant attitude and belief in her emotional strength at the time which she felt was probably a mistake. Whilst undergoing eight months of rehabilitation she started realising that there were things that she was never going to be able to do again..
Chloe gave Antonello the option to leave her but he was smitten. This gave Chloe hope. She volunteered in the Genetic Diagnostic department at the Prince Of Wales Hospital and with this renewed sense of purpose she set out to see if she could have a baby. Chloe soon became pregnant and in fact was having a baby with the way other women do. By now, Melissa was involved in Chloe’s journey and her obstetrician recommended a cesarian section. Melissa was given the privilege of capturing all this on camera. This is why Chloe was so open to share her story. of the birth of her baby, Aurora. After a time at home she struggled with the mechanical fixtures which were there to assist her.
She decided to build up her quadriceps to help her do things such as opening doors easier. As she became stronger she decided to launch a support page as well as an online retail store called Beyond Adaptive, that stores all of the gadgets that have made her life easier.Nonetheless, Chloe has had further medical issues including two rounds of throat surgery, and an advanced form of bladder surgery which has been recognised as a common problem amongst quadriplegics. After a trip with Antonello and Aurora to see Antonello’s 98 year old grandmother, she insisted that they get married, which they did. Ever the goal driven, Chlow has now taken up wheelchair rugby?
The tragedy that befell Danny and his family was front page news in the papers for days. Whilst coming home from getting an icecream three of Danny’s children and their cousin were killed when a young man named Samuel Davidson, aged 29, with Vodka Cruisers, lines of cocaine and MDMA pills coursing through his blood, got into his car at more than three times the limit. Danny’s wife collapsed at Westmead Hospital when she heard the news and there were wails and sobbing amongst the relatives and friends. After a troubled youth Danny took out his aggression by training in martial arts in Australia and Thailand which saw him win two titles, the East Coast Welter Weight title in 1996 an d the Australian Welter Weight title in 1998.
Thereafter, Danny found job in Construction, working his way to becoming an owner of such an enterprise. He met his wife Leila in London and within four weeks they were married there. The Abdullas went on to have six children around which their world revolved. Over the years Danny had become a devout Maronite Catholic. When Melissa met Danny, she found him to be calm and collected. When Melissa asked Danny why he was radiating this sense of peace, Danny replied that his Maronite faith had given him the strength to forgive Davidson. This gave Danny a sense of slightly alleviating his grief. Davidson was eventually sentenced to 28 years in prison after pleading guilty to a multitude of charges.
As we have seen with the other survivors the Abdullas sought to seek happiness, resisting a descent into a life of sadness and grief. Their advocacy with the NSW government was to ensure the package of the ‘Four Angels’ law, which combined the previous separate charges of drug and drink driving in to one, with increased penalties. Furthermore, the Abdullas launched a statewide ‘4-give’ day. The best news is that in March 2022 a baby girl, Selina, was welcomed in to the family.
Melissa is associated with the charity MAKE-A-WISH Foundation and did a story for her Sunrise program where she met Kat and Mark Barlow and their serious ill son Noah. Noah has mirochondrial disease Complex 1 which is a nerve disease whereby messages to the brain are scrambled. This means that he has motor deficiencies and is also suffering from major food allergies. There is no cure. Noah’s condition is deteriorating, sometimes quite dramatically accompanied sometimes by strokes. He has had numerous operations in his short life. Whenever somebody asks this bubbly child what he wants to be when he grows up , it breaks Kat’s heart.
Like the other survivors, Kat’s resilience lives in the experience of feeling sorrowful thoughts and not numbing or ignoring them. She also seeks joy in the little things such as bopping along to hip hop music or taking her dog for a walk. A small comfort for Kat and Mark is that they are not alone. In 2018 she founded ‘Empowerment Ethos’ – an online hub that helps other parents of disabled, sick or terminally children find comfort in shared experiences. Kat also believes that she was chosen to be the mother of a very sick child.
Kat and Noah were attending his latest blood test appointment and despite having numerous needles he still hates them. Kat asked him how he was planning the courage to face another needle He said, “I just need to find my fifteen seconds of brave’. Noah went on to explain that he endured challenges like a needle in the arm by counting to fifteen by which time it would usually be over”. This became the title of Melissa Doyle’s book.
Befpre she submitted each story for publication, she checked with very party to make sure they were happy with Melissa’s interpretation of their stories.
When Philip Clark asked Melissa is there was a common thread running through the stories, Melissa said there were three things- acknowledgement, self repair and advocacy.
To deal with the sufferings of these subjects Melissa elaborated on them in a calm, journalistic approach so that the audience could absorb the audience could absorb the tragedies and horrors that they heard. Nonetheless beneath her journalistic sheen people could see her profound compassion, empathy and admiration for the subjects of her book, and how she was prepared to enter their lives so intimately to extricate all that the survivors wished to impart to her.
To support her in the launch of her book in the audience was her father, Robert Doyle and her daughter Talia Dunlop. This was the physical embodiment of another message in this book, the critical importance of family.
Featured image : Talia Grace Dunlop (daughter). Robert Doyle (Dad) & Melissa Doyle